I'm Still In Love with My Ex

Breaking up is the hardest thing to do, but eventually I separate yourself from that person. Seemingly, I move on. There's no more phone calls, text messages, or e-mails. In fact, I've found myself interested in someone else. Months pass and I think I'm finally over him. And then...I see him. All those same feelings start rushing back, I start thinking about all the nicknames we had, and all I can think about are the good times we had. Next thing I know the text messages start getting friendlier and friendlier, which turn into late night phone calls...but we are just friends ;) Diagnosis: I am still in love with my ex.

To clarify my ex isn't a person. My ex is arrogance, fornication, and drunkeness. I broke up with all these things because I realized that they were only for my detriment and I knew that God had somewhere higher for me to go and I couldn't get there with those things weighing me down. So I shook them off. Each and everyone of them. Through that break-up I found myself falling more and more in love with another man. My man. Jesus. Everything was lovely. We were talking all the time. I couldn't get him off my mind. My friends would be like all you talk about is Jesus. I was sprung. I mean how can you not be. He's awesome lol. So Jesus and I are going steady, when my ex starts creeping back into the picture. My ex began to take up thoughts in my mind that were once devoted to Jesus. I didn't know what to do. I found myself still in love with my ex.

I was at a crossroads where I had to decide, which relationship do I value more? Who do I really want to be with? Who is best for me?
Well, the answer was simple. The execution...a little more difficult. I decided that Jesus was the one for me. Yea, He's my boo.

John 14:21-24 says:
Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him." Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, "Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us, and not to the world?" Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words. And the word that you hear is not mine but the Father's who sent me.

So clearly, He gave me everything I needed to know about how to love Him right and I just wasn't doing it. I would beg, bargain, and plead with my ex, but Jesus makes it so plain and clear. I'm not saying that loving Jesus is easy for me, because I am human and I mess up, but unlike in other relationships, I know that His love is unconditional, and when I ask Him to forgive me He really does and doesn't hold it against me. If the love is that good from God, I'm willing to put in the work.

Love takes time, patience, and effort, but when you realize that the person on the other end is putting forth 100 times what you are, it makes it easy to love a man like that.

Love you boo!


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ChaKia Howard
DS Top Model
Alpha Nu Omega Sorority, Inc.
Lambda Chapter Step Mistress