Do YOU understand me?

When I cry, You cry, we cry, together.....or so I thought; but instead, I cry alone. The pain that you may have felt some time ago...I still feel, NOW. But why, when this is your thing, not mine. Why is it that whatever emotion you have seems to trickle down to me. Why is it that the LITTLE things can be overlooked by you but to me they mean EVERYTHING? Why is it that often times, I am stuck in a world all alone, by myself, entangled in a swarm of emotions. At times I may feel like you really don't care and I am stuck to deal with it all on my own. But this isn't me. I am a bubbly person, always smiling....right? I am a kind person, always listening....right? I am a good support system 4 others, always understanding....right? I am a person that feels the emotions you feel....RIGHT! Well, if the 4 statements above are all right, why is it I am not smiling? Why is it I don't care to listen? Why is it, I don't seem to understand? And why is it I really do feel your emotions and not my own?

Maybe it's because I want someone to SMILE at me like I smile at you. I want someone to LISTEN to me like I listen to you. I want someone to UNDERSTAND me like I understand you. I want someone to FEEL what I am going through like I feel what you are going through. But the average person isn't like that; isn't like ME. I have found bits and pieces in the people I have interacted with but the one that seems to lack the most....is my thought process of true understanding.

At times I feel like I am COMPLETELY misunderstood. You say they understand and to a certain extent, you do. But the problem may be, I am comparing me and you. When I am looking 4 understanding, I do not want you to tell me to just deal with it; do not think about it; it's not that serious because when it comes to me, I can't just 4get about it and yes, it is that serious and the reason I feel this way is because I have been trying to just deal with it....and this is what I get. Truth is, I will probably be misunderstood by everyone, unless he/she has gone or dealt with what I am going through now.

A times it can get frustrating feeling as though I are the only one; but then I had an Epiphany (thanks front)! I do not feel this way because I am alone but rather, I have been looking in the wrong places. I have been seeking knowledge, comfort and understanding from the worldly things, people. All people can really do is listen and try to understand, and I thank you 4 being there; but people can not take away the pain, take away the suffering, take away the tears, take away the hurt, take away the fear, depression, anxiety and and whatever else has me so melancholy.

My true healing will ONLY come from my GOD; 1 Peter 5:7 states "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you." (NLT). This means, all along, all I had to do was talk to the Friend that ALWYAS understands my way of thinking, God. I had to talk to Him about my problems, questions and concerns. I had to realize that God will take care of me, through every day, along the way and at first I was completely blind sided by it all. There is nothing wrong expressing myself to you, my friend and it is something I will continue to do but AFTER, I share it with God.

God, save me from my sins; transform me. Take my whole life.
I know Jesus dies 4 me; now empower me to live 4 you.
Fill me with your Holy Spirit so I can follow you.
Thank you 4 NU life; take all of mine 4
the rest of my time on earth,
I belong to You.
Amen

--
Diane C. Bryce
Howard University
Bachelors of Science Candidate, May 2009
Dove Sister Fabergé
Alpha Nu Omega Sorority, Inc.
#4ΛFA08