The Fight of My Death

God. I just have to start off saying that I'm forever gonna chase after you. Because you alone God have single handedly saved me. Not just salvation at the cross, but repeatedly saved be from myself. I praise you. Thanks Dad.

Alright, Sorry I had to start it off like that, but God is truly moving people. Like right now the set up is for something greater than what we could ever imagine. It's beyond comprehension. It's sitting, hovering over the earth, waiting for the right time. Hovering over the earth like the spirit of the Lord was in Gen 1:1. And we all know what came after that hovering...CREATION! It's coming people. The only thing I can tell you is that it's coming. And it's not just coming for anyone, but the laborers of the Kingdom. The return harvest is coming.

The blessings that God has given as of recent really have about the comparison as God to a grain of sand compared to what God plans to do in this next year. 2009 is the year of harvest. Those who know me, know I take this prophesy very seriously. Mainly because this year has been the fight of my life. No scratch that, the fight of my death. Let me explain.

I'm not saying that Satan got me, I let go of my dreams, or even that I have a terminal illness. What I am saying is that I've finally done what God called me BY NAME AUDIBLY to do at 16yrs old. I've died. Died in the since that I've finally come to understand and act out exactly what Jesus told His followers in Luke 14:25-33 (Message Version)

25-27 One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, "Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple.

28-30"Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you're going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: 'He started something he couldn't finish.'

31-32"Or can you imagine a king going into battle against another king without first deciding whether it is possible with his ten thousand troops to face the twenty thousand troops of the other? And if he decides he can't, won't he send an emissary and work out a truce?

33"Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be my disciple.

I had to let God. No literally. Like we always tell God that we'll follow Him, but how many of us beforehand sat down and counted up the cost of our service? The cost of our worship? The cost of our faith? The cost of our praise? The cost of our anointing? The cost of who we are? If you're like me, not many. To be honest, I knew there would be sacrifices, but I never knew it would be like this. I had run from Him for so long, I was just so happy to be back in His presence. I didn't care what it took. I just wanted to be close. I wanted to be intimate with Him again. I just wanted God.

But God wanted more. God wanted and still wants me. All of it, to use as His vessel. Every hurt, every pain, all joy, everything for Him. What I didn't count was what I would have to endure for His sake. It wasn't like God wasn't honest. He had given me a perfect example of the prosecution that would come my way, my big bro Jesus. Jesus walked daily enduring persecution. Yet I never acknowledged that I would have to endure as well.

I came into Howard with a desire and plan on what I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to graduate with honors, because I missed them by .01 points in high school. I wanted to join a certain sorority, which is not the one I'm in now. I already had the money and recommendations lined up. I wanted to graduate on time from the nursing school, a nearly impossible task, and I wanted to excel in everything. I wanted college to be different from High School. I wanted to be known. For Christ this time, but I still had my own agenda, not His.

You see, I was content on doing what God desired. But what I didn't understand was why I had to sacrifice the dreams and ambitions that I had as a child that didn't necessarily cause me any harm, but did good, like graduating with honors. Or keeping up my excellent GPA. But God needed me to see past their intent to the source of my desire. I wanted those things because for so many years I had identified who I was with what I did, and how well I did it. God needed me to see that I have to be willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING for Him.

I was bitter. Still get that way sometimes. I say "God, no one else has to sacrifice like this. Not their grades. They're not fighting like this. Why must I look the part of a fool constantly for you?" I didn't get it at first. But God needed me to die to everything. I have the security in His promise to graduate in May 2009, but I wasn't secure in who I was anymore because of what I felt I was loosing. I was fighting for my life, when God wanted me to just die.

You see, I've discovered now that God needed me to be completely vacant. Emptied out. My dreams weren't God lead, and really only brought glory to my name, not His. I didn't need it. God has always blessed me with opportunities and His favor out weights any honors this stinking University can give me. I didn't get it at first, but I get it now. God requires all of me, and He needed to replace my dreams with His so I can be about His glory, and Kingdom business.

So now I'm re-focused. I've taking my eyes off the material prize, and I now measure myself by the standards of God. No matter how anything in my life looks, I TRUST. I just had to get to a place where I truly am putting Him first and letting everything else follow. (Matt 6:33). I now live what 1 Peter 4:12-13 & 19 say (NLT)

12 Dear friends, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. 13 Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.

19 So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.

So, I've died people. Me and all that the world attached to it, just to be alive in Christ. Love you all. Until next time, I hope I've made sense…lol…Keep Chasing!

DS Brittany J. Bibb, bbibb05@gmail.com